Tinder Love

Here I am, waiting patiently.

Waiting for you to find me. How could I say that you are the one that I need? You see, we were never together. It all started with the pop-up window appeared and says “It’s a match!” – This app was pairing us up, and we played along fine. At first, we went on talking about our likes/dislikes or having same interests, we shared our experiences, we talk every day and I found a friend who can really understands me. You make me feel that I am special in a way that you waste your time for me even though you have something to do or you have your own priority over me. I am so grateful that I found you unexpectedly. It’s funny that there is someone, I didn’t known before but understands me and had a great friendship together.

Looking back, I can say that it was nice at first. You always made me laugh and we had so many things to talk about. I wanted to be always near you. I wanted — needed — to see you every day. It was all warm and I felt happy because at the end of the day, I knew that I had you.

At first, I didn’t care about my feelings because I knew, I was certain, that I would never fall in love with you. But then I remember the moment when jokes became half-truths. That exact moment when I dared to transcend the line between silly and serious. That moment or this moment when I started thinking about you. And I wondered if it’s real already, that I’ve fallen for you. I’ve always tried not to catch feelings. I thought it was better that way. There will always be this line that nobody could ever cross, because that would mean commitment and heartache.

But then again, I should have known that I would fall for you first because I have a fondness for guys that will never like me back; I just gravitate towards them.

I have always feared attachments. I have loved and I’ve been broken into so many pieces so many times that I thought I’d never be whole again. I have loved and I’ve given everything I could just to sustain the love I thought was enough to last forever. But it never works that way. The more you give, the more you lose, the more your heart breaks. And when you’ve given everything that was once yours, you’ll be left with nothing more until the love you once thought was perfect would slowly fade away and die. You’ll lay in your bed with nothing but tears until your eyes dry out and you can’t cry anymore.

I thought it was better if we could be close, but not too close that I could feel your breathing. Not too close that I could feel your heart beating. Not too close that I would be thinking about day in and out. Not too close that I’d be smiling when thinking about you or I’d be itching to hear your voice every single day. I’ve always tried to stay away from people. It felt right. It felt good to be alone in my own universe. It felt grand to wake up not thinking of anyone. It felt wonderful not to worry if you are even thinking about me like I am thinking about you.

 But you’re different. You make me want to stop trying and just stay where I am. You make me want to sit down and drown myself in the happiness you bring to my life. You make me feel so worthy of love again after all this time. And I don’t want to try anything else but make you feel loved. It feels right to worry about you. It feels good to smile when you cross my mind. It feels wonderful to know that you’re there. Hearing your voice makes everything okay.

But it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that we really had nothing but just platonic friendship. I am even scared to say now that we were flirting because what if those moments between us were just a delusion? What we had were words, laughter, messages, glances, slight touches, held hands, and some sweet kisses. Maybe we never really flirted, and maybe it was bound to stop after things will get serious. Perhaps it was all a delusion, after all. I know it will be more difficult to forget about you because I just didn’t like any one thing in particular about you, like your eyes, or your smile, or your laughter. I like you beyond the physical, because I like you as a whole. And, most importantly, I liked myself when I was with you — I got a glimpse of how it is to be in love.

I want to be your girlfriend throughout your life – as always. I won’t leave as long as you want me to leave. I’ll be someone whom you can talk to and share your stories as well. I will listen and somehow get you accompanied with. I will make you happy as long as you finally meet your true happiness with me. When you are down I will get you up and cheer you up. When you are sad, I will make you happier. This is why I met you, I will be your buddy and when the right time comes, I will be your girl and everything. And whenever you need someone to talk too, I will let my time to be wasted just for you. I don’t expect something in return just show me the real you, someone I knew before I finally had this feeling. Someone who can be my everything and soon become my lifetime partner.