Here I am, waiting patiently.
Waiting for you to find me. How could I say
that you are the one that I need? You see, we were never together. It all
started with the pop-up window appeared and says “It’s a match!” – This app was pairing us up, and we played along fine. At first,
we went on talking about our likes/dislikes or having same interests, we shared
our experiences, we talk every day and I found a friend who can really
understands me. You make me feel that I am special in a way that you waste your
time for me even though you have something to do or you have your own priority
over me. I am so grateful that I found you unexpectedly. It’s funny that there is someone, I didn’t known before but understands me and had a
great friendship together.
Looking back, I can say that it was nice at
first. You always made me laugh and we had so many things to talk about. I
wanted to be always near you. I wanted — needed — to see you every day.
It was all warm and I felt happy because at the end of the day, I knew that I
had you.
At first, I didn’t care about my feelings because I knew, I was certain, that I
would never fall in love with you. But then I remember the moment when jokes
became half-truths. That exact moment when I dared to transcend the line
between silly and serious. That moment or this moment when I started thinking
about you. And I wondered if it’s real already, that I’ve fallen for you. I’ve always tried not to catch feelings. I
thought it was better that way. There will always be this line that nobody
could ever cross, because that would mean commitment and heartache.
I have always feared
attachments. I have loved and I’ve been broken into so
many pieces so many times that I thought I’d never be whole again. I have loved and I’ve given everything I could just to sustain the
love I thought was enough to last forever. But it never works that way. The
more you give, the more you lose, the more your heart breaks. And when you’ve given everything that was once yours, you’ll be left with nothing more until the love you
once thought was perfect would slowly fade away and die. You’ll lay in your bed with nothing but tears until
your eyes dry out and you can’t cry anymore.
I thought it was better if we could be close,
but not too close that I could feel your breathing. Not too close that I could
feel your heart beating. Not too close that I would be thinking about day in
and out. Not too close that I’d be smiling when
thinking about you or I’d be itching to hear
your voice every single day. I’ve always tried to stay
away from people. It felt right. It felt good to be alone in my own universe.
It felt grand to wake up not thinking of anyone. It felt wonderful not to worry
if you are even thinking about me like I am thinking about you.
But you’re different. You make me want to stop trying and just stay where
I am. You make me want to sit down and drown myself in the happiness you bring
to my life. You make me feel so worthy of love again after all this time. And I
don’t want to try anything
else but make you feel loved. It feels right to worry about you. It feels good
to smile when you cross my mind. It feels wonderful to know that you’re there. Hearing your voice makes everything
okay.
But it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that we really had nothing but just
platonic friendship. I am even scared to say now that we were flirting because
what if those moments between us were just a delusion? What we had were words,
laughter, messages, glances, slight touches, held hands, and some sweet kisses.
Maybe we never really flirted, and maybe it was bound to stop after things will
get serious. Perhaps it was all a delusion, after all. I know it will be more
difficult to forget about you because I just didn’t like any one thing in particular about you, like your eyes, or
your smile, or your laughter. I like you beyond the physical, because I like you as a whole. And, most
importantly, I liked myself when I was with you — I got a glimpse of how it is to be in love.
I want to be your girlfriend throughout your life
– as always. I won’t leave as long as you want me to leave. I’ll be someone whom you can talk to and share
your stories as well. I will listen and somehow get you accompanied with. I
will make you happy as long as you finally meet your true happiness with me.
When you are down I will get you up and cheer you up. When you are sad, I will
make you happier. This is why I met you, I will be your buddy and when the
right time comes, I will be your girl and everything. And whenever you need
someone to talk too, I will let my time to be wasted just for you. I don’t expect something in return just show me the
real you, someone I knew before I finally had this feeling. Someone who can be
my everything and soon become my lifetime partner.
